But sometimes, I have my moments.
It tends to come on suddenly every now and then. Tonight it came from a random question, and my sister very kindly rearranging something just for me.
Sarah was going to have Tommy's birthday party on the same weekend as Marks cousins wedding in Ohio. I am sad to miss his birthday because he is soo darn cute and I see him so infrequently. So she kindly thought that if she had his birthday on Wednesday I could go to Ohio from Detroit.
A kind offer as it was,it changes the rest of the families plans for going up to Detroit. But all I could think about is Mark. How does he factor into this? He is supposed to be moving out here permanently soon. If so, he would be unable to go to Detroit mid week because he would have to work.
But I have been hearing that he would be moving out here in two weeks all summer. It isn't through any fault of his own, his bosses just haven't been as complimentary as one would hope. To be honest over the last few months I have become quite resentful towards them. Especially when my husband who never sends text messages sends me a text telling me to find him a new job. It messes with my emotions too when he is so frustrated as well.
I wonder if Marks bosses even realize how difficult this past year has been for us, or if they even care. Sad to question that when the bosses are my brothers in law. I get resentful about it and dont even think ill be able to stand the sight of them when I see them next.
So I have my moments. Sometimes one little thing like my sisters kind offer just triggers one little nerve and suddenly my stable patience is gone. And all of the sudden I am sad and lonely. So I come home and fix myself a drink and wonder when it will all be okay again.
I think mark and I have a great marriage, and have shown a lot of strength through the last year. It has not been easy and we knew that coming in, but it was never supposed to be this long. My patience is running low.
I know that tomorrow is a new day. I will go for a run, go to meeting. I will come home and make some delicious Italian beef, and work on some more school stuff. I know that my head will readjust and I will get a hold on my patience again and suck it up again.
But for now I am having my moment, and I think I'll go fix another drink.
