Fail

Our car broke this week. It wasn't a sudden thing, but one of those gradual things that needed to be addressed.  Unfortunately, it put us in the hole.  So now our credit card is not happy.


That has culminated in providing me with a pretty crappy evening.  I can look at the situation that we are in and realize that it is my fault.  I look at the strain on Mark's face and realize it is because of me.  With a now maxed out credit card and living paycheck to paycheck we are feeling the strain of a single income.  It makes me feel worthless not to be able to contribute financially, especially when we are feeling the strain of it more and more.

I can now apply to work in canada.  But that is the thing...I have to APPLY to work. Which means spending another couple hundred bucks on an application and waiting who knows how long for it to be approved.  Then the actual going out and finding a job.

I am just beyond frustrated with life right now.  I don't even know how to describe just how defeated I feel.  I don't even recognize who I am anymore.  The person I was when I left LA 3 years ago is nowhere to be found.  All of the challenges of the past few years have definitely gotten the better of me.

HAVEN'T I LEARNED THIS STUFF BEFORE??  Haven't I had this lesson??  Haven't I already dealt with the aimless wandering thing already in life?  Everything I am feeling, haven't I felt it before?  Haven't I dealt with it before?? 

I am just frustrated.  Not sure I am even making any sense.  Anyway...we are going to Ohio tomorrow night for the Ohio Study weekend.  Nathan Lewis is speaking, so it will be nice to see him and Suzanna.  Plus to spend time with all of my old friends in Ohio, and to have typical country, fall fun. (bon fire, smores, corn maze, corn hole).