it's official...

Well I finally got my Ontario drivers license today.  So that was only what? One, two weeks later then I planned on getting it, but it is done now at least.  I also went to see about getting a health card, but I'm not elligible till immigration comes through. Only what? Another 6 months till I am pre-approved for immigration.  So probably another 6 months of no health coverage. Here's hoping that I don't get sick, cuz if I do we're screwed.

When I got the Ontario license, I had to surrender my Indiana license.  Who knew that a silly little piece of plastic could make me so emotional?  Simply because that Indiana license was more to me than just a license.  It was the only thing that was literally connecting me to Indiana.  I do feel really sad about that because I do feel deep in my gut that it's not in the cards for us to move back there.  So that little piece of plastic was the only thing that kept me thinking that maybe someday we could.  Now that it's gone, the dream has gone with it.  Getting the license today made me think that Indiana is no longer my home and it never will be again.  It is a hard truth to swallow.

Don't get me wrong, I love my life with Mark.  But life without cornfields just isn't where I want my kids to grow up.  There is something so relaxing about driving down a country backroad, and knowing how to navigate your way through the maze of backroads that are labeled 500N, 250E, 1000S.

My first drivers test consisted of driving through small town one way streets.  I even had a drivers license picture that I liked.  I got it renewed just before driving to Ohio to visit my then boyfriend, so I was happy and smiling in my picture.  In Canada you can't smile in your license picture.  I went to a Miranda Lambert concert in Chicago one year.  I had my license in my pocket and forgot all about it after the concert.  The pants with the license went into the wash, then into the dryer.  When I realized it had been washed and dried, my license was permanently bent.

I admit that I shed a few tears this morning for the loss of that bent piece of plastic, and the place that will always, always be home to me.  So I leave you with a few words from a classic country song:

"Well I'm from a map dot. A stop sign on a black top
I caught the first bus I could hop from there But all this glitter is gettin' dark
There's concrete growin' in the city park I don't know who my neighbors are  And there's bars on the corners and bars on my heart

I'm gonna live where the green grass grows Watchin' my corn pop up in rows  Every night be tucked in close to you  Raise our kids where the good Lord's blessed  Point our rocking chairs towards the west
Plant our dreams where the peaceful river flows  Where the green grass grows"

-I knew who my neighbors were in Valpo...where the green grass grows is still the dream, just harder to see it today.